MARTIN:
Oh, I'm sorry. Are you...open?
TUBBS:
Yes! Can I help you at all?
MARTIN:
Oh no thanks, I'm just...just looking.
TUBBS:
I haven't seen you before. Are you local?
MARTIN:
No, I'm meeting up with a friend actually - going hiking.
TUBBS:
Can I...help you at all?
MARTIN:
Well yes, how much are these snowstorms?
TUBBS:
What are you doing?
MARTIN:
Sorry!
TUBBS:
Don't touch the things! This is a local shop for local people, there's nothing for you here!
MARTIN:
I can pay.
TUBBS:
Keep your hands where I can see them! I have a husband you know. He's up the stairs - he's sure to hear everything.
If you were to come back here and...touch them, I...
MARTIN:
No, no...
TUBBS:
Edward! Edward!
EDWARD:
Hello, hello? What's going on? What's all this shouting, we'll have no trouble here!
TUBBS:
I caught him stealing from the shop.
EDWARD:
Who is he? Is his identity known?
TUBBS:
He's not local.
EDWARD:
Look here. We're very proud of our town, this is a decent town and a local shop! We'll have no trouble here.
TUBBS:
He asked me to open the till.
MARTIN:
No!
TUBBS:
He has a plan - he covets the precious things of the shop.
EDWARD:
Ah...Tea leaf, eh? You people are all alike.
You march in here - young, try and...touch the local things. I suppose next you'll be spraying me with one of those cans of paint? Smearing poor Tubbs here with excrement...
I've got your number, fella. You won't get far!
TUBBS:
He tried to see under my clothes!
EDWARD:
Pervert, eh? Got...sex...on the brain! Wet the bed I'll bet as a boy...
I used to be in a war, and I put paid to quite a few like you. This is a decent town and a local shop - there's nothing for you here!
TUBBS:
Tell him I can't have babies anyway! Tell him my insides are all wrong!